


With Him You Feel Right

by Waffle-o (XylB)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: FAHC, GTA Universe, M/M, Stream of Consciousness, aro!Michael, aromantic Michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 07:15:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8362702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XylB/pseuds/Waffle-o
Summary: You're Michael Jones and Gavin Free is the best thing that ever happened to you. So don't fuck it up (don't fuck it up you love need him).





	

You're punching and you're hitting and the guy's unconscious below you and you can't seem to tell and your fists keep flying, bloody and hot and angry. Someone's calling your name and grabbing at your shoulders and you look and it's Gavin, Gavin who you love or at least you should, but you don't really feel it ( _broken, wrong_ ) but you feel safe with him, comfortable tucked up next to him and you look at him and he's panicked, fear written all over his face and oh no you never wanted to scare him never wanted that ( _protect him, protect him, you're wrong but he's the only thing that's ever made you feel_ ** _right_** ) and you stop, you stop and you breathe. He drags you away from the guy, almost dead, almost finished, the guy that dared to spit _fag_ at Gavin the guy who dared to insult the best thing in your life and all you remember is anger and now your knuckles are bruised and there's blood on your palms and Gavin is scared and you're guilty. Apologies trip over your tongue as Gavin pushes you into his car, as he drives away and he shushes you, hand on your knee and fingers tangled with your bloody ones and you're not worth that you're not worth _him_. You try to pull away but he doesn't let you, holds tighter and turns sharply down the next street and soon enough he's shoving the car into park and the abrupt stop jerks you forward and back and then Gavin's climbing into your lap, frantic energy and wide eyes. You shake your head, try to push him off but he stays, he _stays_ , and he cups your face, slender fingers gentle around your jaw and he doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve you, clean hands on your tainted skin but he strokes over your cheekbone and you realise you're crying, tears slipping down and he's whispering your name, a mantra of _Michael, Michael_ , and it helps bring you back to yourself. You choke out an apology, sobbing harder, _sorry I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you I didn't want to - I'm sorry so sorry_ , but he doesn't care, knocks his forehead against yours and quietly tells you to shut up. You do. 

Gavin's eyes close in front of you and you're stuck on how beautiful he is, soft hair and sharp eyes, curves and angles and god, you'd die for this man, you'd die for him and you wouldn't even care. It's not love, at least not like how the books describe it, but it's something and it's pulling at your chest and suddenly he's kissing you, gentle but insistent and you let him because what if this is the last time what if he can't handle the violence anymore _you've scared him off Michael, stupid, stupid_ what if he doesn't want this anymore? 

You're a crew and he's seen you kill before, but never violent like that, gritty and primal - it's never been personal, never ever - but he keeps his hands on your face and his lips on yours and maybe it'll be okay but something in the back of your brain tells you it won't. The something tells you it'll crash down like Jenga, collapsing right onto you and crushing your ribs, your heart. 

Gavin's pulling away and you grip uselessly at his hips, certain this is the last, this is the end, but then Gavin's whispering between your lips, just one phrase, _I love you_ , and suddenly the world stops spinning and the Jenga tower doesn't fall. You inhale, ask _What?_ and he repeats it, looking you in the eye this time and your name attached to the end, _I love you, Michael_. 

It's the first time he's said it and you don't know how to explain that you don't feel the same but you feel the same, that it's not quite love tugging at your heartstrings but it's something familiar, something that tastes like comfort, like home, and you trip over your own words, trying to say it back but it sounds hollow when it tries to leave your throat. Panic bubbles up - he's going to leave, he's not going to want something broken like you _Michael stop getting your hopes up stupid stupid_ \- but he shakes his head, lays a delicate thumb over your lips and your words trail off. His eyes are so wonderfully green as they study you and guilt filters into your brain, you can't make him happy, give him what he wants. You tell him as much but he shakes his head more, brushing off the comments like water off a duck and then he speaks, quiet voice cutting through your rambling. 

_I understand, Michael._

And you counter, argue back. _You don't understand, Gavin, I don't - I don't_ ** _love_** _you but I - I -_

He kisses you again and you kiss back desperately, hoping maybe you can show him just how badly you _want_ to love him but you can't, you just can't. You separate again and you don't realise you're mumbling under your breath until you hear his _you're not broken, never Michael, I understand, I do_ , and he sounds as desperate as you feel and something in his eyes convinces you that he _does_ , that he knows exactly what's wrong with you (maybe it's not wrong, maybe you are worth something, maybe Gavin's not lying, maybe you don't need love) and you wrap your arms around him, hold him tight and he sighs into your ear. You shut your eyes and hope that this works, that he will know how much you care about him and you say the words in a rush, just a breath, _I feel safe with you_ , and he relaxes above you and there's a dampness seeping through your shirt and no, no, he's not supposed to _cry_ this isn't how it's supposed to _go_ and you start to move but then he laughs, a high, sudden sound that's loud in the silent car. You still, check pressed to his neck and _Gavin?_ and he giggles again, _god I'm just so happy_ and a smile breaks on your face and you hug tighter, closing your eyes to revel in the feeling of Gavin, of warmth, of comfort, of _home_. 

Gavin's wonderful and amazing and perfect and _right_ and you don't think he deserves a rough-edged broken mess like you but - 

But he loves you and he chose you and maybe love isn't all it's cracked up to be, maybe you're not wrong if you feel right with him.  

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer here: I'm not aromantic (pretty sure I'm not), but I tried to put myself in aro shoes for this fic. I tried to imagine what to feel for a person without quite the pull of love but something just as strong, and I came up with safety and comfort. 
> 
> If I accidentally put anything offensive in here (or if I actually did okay!), please let me know.
> 
> Thanks!


End file.
